Recently in Name Generators

Alternate Title: Moron Name Generators

Okay, so the alternate title is probably a bit harsh - but it does help me introduce my topic for the day. 

I got a couple emails from folks who weren't entirely happy that I listed their site yesterday and did so without trumpeting the party line for name generators - which, if you don't know, is "Why the heck do you need a professional namer when all you have to do is click this button and you have a name?"

Name generators are a great tool (I did say that yesterday - so I wasn't completely biased) but they don't name companies or other stuff automatically.  I just can't make myself say something that isn't true.  (Okay, my sister might tell you stories from the seventies that would indicate otherwise - but on this topic and in this decade I'm not prone to making stuff up.)

Let's see if I can come up with an inoffensive metaphor...

How about:
Name Generators are a lot like a passenger train.  Sure - you know where you're supposed to be going, but without a trained engineer at the helm chances aren't good that you'll get there on time... if at all.  And there's a real good chance that if you DO get to where you're going someone is going to end up injured along the way.

Not too shabby.  And I think I've done a good job avoiding offending anyone except perhaps novice train engineers.

See, there's this problem with automated stuff, which is that it is probably really good at the stuff it is trained to do (like cramming morphemes together) but is absolutely horrible at the stuff it isn't programmed to do. 

Here's a random (and partial) list stuff that name generators (generally) don't do:

1. Check to see if the name conflicts with existing trademarks on a State, Federal, or international stage
2. Determine if the name sounds like something naughty in languages other than your own
3. Check for parsing issues (like penisland.com) when hearing or reading the name
   
4. Check to ensure that the name is easy to be pronounced for your target audience
5. Create a compelling story for your brand (other than "I clicked a button and got a name") that allows people to form a bond with your company
6. Ensure that the name has memory triggers that help the name to stick in the mind
7. Build consensus amongst your team and various stakeholders
8. Determine if there's anything in the name that can help to strengthen your brand
9. Determine if the name is a good match for your personality, voice, and mission
10. Determine if the name meets the goals you have for it
11. Ensure that you actually have goals set for your name
12. Check business directories and phone books to make sure your name won't have a lot of local competition
13. Talk to linguists and perform other searches to ensure that the name doesn't use terminology that is already conceptually owned by something or someone else.  (You could name your new shoe the "Thanksgiving Turkey" but it probably would result in a lot of people returning their inedible holiday meal.)
14. See if the shape of the word is easy on the eyes and easy to read.  Tillillypyg might seem like a good name when you hear it - but it's really hard to decipher when you see it.
15. Ensure that you're not using word-parts that are unpleasant to hear for your particular audience.  Ending your new perfume with an "-uck" sound might get you noticed - but probably not for smelling nice.
16. Check both the number of letters and syllables to make sure you're not expecting too much from your audience when they try to recall your name
17. Ensure that the name ties in with your business strategy
18. Check to be sure that you have a business strategy
19. Check to be sure that your business strategy is viable and can be supported by a name
20. Check to be sure your name is believable (if it makes any claims)
21. Check to be sure that the name actually does support the business strategy
    
22. Train users in how to evaluate whether or not a name is any good
23. Warn users when a name has major weaknesses that could lead to embarrassment or legal issues down the road

Sadly I'm growing tired of coming up with reasons why Name Generators aren't the ultimate in naming solutions.  I truly could go on all day (I'd guess there are a couple hundred things I could list) but I have work to do.

I do like name generators.  They can help get minds unstuck.   When quantity without context is needed they're a great source.  

But I don't think I would ever have a firm I worked for named by one.  And it isn't because I'm a namer.  It's because I don't have faith that a machine can understand the complexities of my business, my audience, my goals, and the complexities of developing a name that works.

And quite frankly I don't have faith that the people who programmed the machines in the first place have any real understanding of these factors either.  Or if they do they didn't take the time to put that part of their brain into the code.

It takes a person with a deep understanding of brands and naming to reliably do the job.  Kinda like the way putting a real engineer at the controls of that train will greatly increase the chances of that train arriving in Boston six hours after leaving Union Station. 

Moral of the story:  Don't mess with Thingnamers with blogs who give you free links.  Especially when they have an infant son who is both really hungry and teething.  All the FEED ME NOW - GET THAT OUT OF MY MOUTH - DOG TOYS ARE YUMMY - I DON'T CARE IF IT SAYS NOT TO FREEZE IT... DO IT ANYHOW (or at least that's how I interpret his squeals and demands) can shorten one's patience a tad. 

(And yep - it's all worth it Teddy.  You da man.  Keep slipping me those smiles and you know I'll do whatever I think you want.)