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July 16, 2007 | Tate Linden
A close friend recently confided in me that they read my blog, but really only find it interesting or entertaining on days that I'm "pissed off" about something. Typically I find a topic that irks me for some reason and it'll take me a good week or two to get the rant out of my system.

My rants are a bit like Columbo. Just when you think I'm all done I'll come back with "just one more thing..."

Anyhow, my current issue is the fact that I can't figure out how some of my peers in the industry do their stuff. Last Friday's post seems to have been well received (though may have something to do with me buying tickets to Aruba for a few people) and I find that I'm unable to get myself off the same topic. Though this time it has a slightly different focus - we're back to people's names.

There's a link on Maryanna's website (that's Maryanna Korwitts, not "Kowitts" as I'd printed last week) that allows you to get a first name report card for yourself. You can try it here. It's pretty cool.

...Except that it sucks for me.

Sure, my reportcard says I'm a "Logical, Pioneering, Practical Individualist" but it also suggests that I'm not creative, I'm not sexy, I'm bad at relationships and I have trouble getting my ideas across. On the plus side, I'm somewhat healthy, and I'm gonna be pretty well off in the money and job department. (If I were a female I'd be pretty sick, so I had some good fortune there, too.)

What really gets me, though is that according to Maryanna I share my "first name vibration" with Bob Dole. (And also Babe Ruth, Frankie Avalon, and Kate Jackson, but who cares about them?) Excuse me, but Tate Linden does not share anything with Bob Dole. Tate Linden wouldn't know where to find Bob Dole to share anything with him even if Tate Linden wanted to. Tate Linden is not, however, above making jokes at Bob Dole's expense.

I know that no one is saying that a name guarantees a particular personality - but with the name "Tate" I just can't figure out where these ascribed qualities are coming from. I know there's a Tate George (baskeball player) and a Tate Donovan (actor) but few of us Tates have made much of a name for ourselves to establish a precedence. Most of what I've seen has shown that folks with 'my' name are pretty creative. Is it that we folks with the name don't know we're poorly endowed (namewise, of course) and thus aren't held back by our moniker's downside? Anyone have any idea why "Tate" isn't seen as an artisticly talented sex god who is like totally into monogomous committed relationships and can talk like Jon Stewart (though is much taller, of course)?

What I wouldn't give to have a name like Ava - which is evidently a "potential winner!" (Along with Dyanah, Samara, Ericha, Kevan, Margery, Leigha, and dozens more. The thing they have in common for me? Aparently I have never met anyone who is a potential winner.)

But what peeves me more than anything else is this: Deepak is sexier than I am. Oh, and my little son Theodore is completely hosed. Unless he goes by TJ, or Theo. (And no, Teddy and Ted aren't too good either.)

Major apologies to both my wife and son. For different reasons.
4 Comments
Nancy Friedman July 16, 2007 8:23 PM

Oh, you made my day. Turns out I am a "charismatic, self-sufficient, expressive optimist" who scores A's in communication skills and sex appeal. Why are parents naming their daughters Madycynn and Jorjjja when they could be acing the life lottery with Nancy? So euphonious, so easy to spell, so easy to say. Not to mention the "first name vibrations" shared with Ellen DeGeneres (yay!) and Denzel Washington (yum!). And, uh, Celine Dion. OK, two outta three ain't bad.

Tate Linden July 16, 2007 9:28 PM

I'm glad someone that I know came out unscathed.
All my friends seem to be afflicted with highly loser-ish names.
...have you figured out exactly what a name vibration is? Based on your shared vibrations it seems to be somewhat synonymous with the rarely encountered concept of "syllable."

Eileen July 17, 2007 2:14 PM

Holy crap, I share my vibration with Macaulay Culkin. The rest of my report card is pretty bad, too. But not as bad as Aaron! He gets F's, and vibrates with Osama Bin Laden!

Tate Linden July 18, 2007 9:42 AM

I always thought there were some tensions between Aaron and Sarah... now we know why. Here we'd been believing in these "Allergies" of his - when in fact he's going off hiding in a cave every time we show up.
Next time we visit we're comin' heavy.